Settling In

Good morning world!

I was up at 5:30am this morning.  I got my meditation and chanting done before my 6 year old woke up for school.  It isn't often that I am the first to arise in the morning.  One of my weaknesses has always been sleeping in.  Or it could also be called laziness I suppose.  It's amazing how much more one gets accomplished when getting up early.  I feel energized and ready to start the day.  I wish that it could be this easy to get up EVERY morning, but oh those mornings when I'm so so so tired and all my body wants to do is rest... those are the mornings when my weakness wins and I end up sleeping in. 

I've been gaining weight and my hair is falling out like crazy.  I try not to worry or stress over either of these superficial qualities, but will confess that they bother me.  I mean what woman wants to be CHUBBY and BALD?? Not the greatest combination.   I do not understand my body sometimes.  I go from heavy to average to skinny.  And when I felt my healthiest is when I got the sickest and now here I am swinging back to heavy and feeling so sore and old, with my bones and body making strange cracking and popping noises.  Thanks to a friend of mine, I am now aware that the heaviness is happening on a "bigger" scale, and I know that purification is also happening on a HUGE scale.  I promise to be happy at whatever weight I am, and I suppose if I have hair or don't.  Thank goodness for hats!  Why is loving yourself often the hardest thing to do??

"Accept yourself as you are, otherwise you will never see opportunity.  You will not feel free to move toward it; you will feel that you are not deserving." 
Maxwell Maltz

Thank you Max, a great reminder!

The weather has been so beautiful the past few days.  I am no fool to think that Spring has finally sprung, because there have been MANY of my birthdays that snow was my gift.  And my birthday is the end of April.  I will enjoy every single second of this great weather while it is here, and also enjoy the Spring storms when they come too.  Why argue with mother nature anyway?? (;  I was staring out of our kitchen window last night and it was such a beautiful night.  It's amazing how blessed I am... how blessed we all are every single day in every single moment.  I am greatful to be aware of this. 

Sending much love and light to ALL. 

4...

Well, I was wide awake at 3 am this morning, and not because I had children sneaking in my room this time.   Instead it was my guts, angry with me for all of the unhealthy snacking I did right before bedtime.  Actually living with Ulceritive Colitis, I'm not totally sure WHAT it is that upsets my intestines, because it kind of seems like EVERYTHING upsets them.  After a good hour of laying there in pain, I decided to break in and take a pain pill.  I try to avoid using them, but sometimes, especially at 4 am, I tend to give in, hoping that I might get a couple more hours of shut eye.   

It's so funny what I find myself thinking about... I mean does it really matter how heavy the boxes are that contain all of our canned goods? I'll just tape the heck out of them, right?  I called looking for boxes yesterday, and some box nabber was quicker than I was and took all of the boxes from the local stores.  Am I going to have to spend money on more boxes?  Money that I should be using to pay the big stack of medical bills I acquired from my hospital vacation.  Ha ha.  I don't want to be thinking about these things at 3 in the morning. I know that all the stuff will get on the truck even if its in garbage bags.  Why even think about it? 
After getting control of my mind traffic,I started in on my chanting practices, because its better to be productive in thinking positive healing thoughts that will help me in the long run.  I've been working on building my 1st chackra, 1st soul house, Wei Yin acupuncture point, whatever you feel most comfortable calling it, and my foundational energy centers.  This will not only help my colitis, but its also suppose to help keep me grounded.  I need grounding right now in a big way.  It will help me get through this move without any freak outs, or I guess I should say any MORE freak outs.  I think I've gotten them out of my system., or so I hope!  I'm really looking foward to starting fresh, and Buffalo has a holistic healing center and a heath food store!  Not to mention, I already have a dear friend who is into the healing arts, and boy does she know how to cook healthy yummy food!  I hope to learn a LOT from her.  I know I will!

So, Day 4's agenda, build a race track with Wyatt, attend Jim's going away luncheon at the Courthouse, solve the box delima and well...I guess I'll start getting our clothes and some more of those heavy canned goods packed up! (:  Now, where did I put the tape??? 

Most importantly though, I'm going to laugh and relax and do things that are good for my heart. 

Moving day count down

Well, it's official.  5 days until moving day.  It hasn't really sunk in yet.  Nor for REAL REAL, not yet...
I suppose it will be real when I wake up next week and I'm staring at a new wall, in a new room, in a new house, in a new town.  I've gone through a myriad of emotions and feelings the last few months.  Happy, excited, surreal, sad, scared, disbelief, melancholy, giddy.  Emotions rise to the surface like the little bubbles in carbonated water.  I've been wanting to move for a long time now, and to be honest I thought it would be a whole lot easier than it is!  Not only emotionally, but physically too!  Packing up a whole family and  7 years worth of  "stuff" isn't a dainty task.  Not for this mama anyway... and saying goodbye.  Well, I don't do goodbyes. 

These are the life changing times I've been reading about for years.  And its finally happening to me.  My schedule, (and you can barely even call it that) will be altered.  My habits will change.  This I am looking forward too.  One habit I can point out right away, is my need for a midnight snack, though the urge will likely still be there taunting me, its a lot longer haul to the kitchen in our new house.  One that involves 14 stairs, and walking through the dark in a old house built in 1893.  Although Jim loves me, getting me snacks at midnight involving a small journey will not be high on his priority list.  My thighs, hips, and backside will be doubly greatful.  Not only will I cut down on the snacks, but up and down stairs a hundred times a day carring laundry baskets and who knows what else...  I'm bound to tighten up some right?  ha ha.

I've decided to bunk the kids in the bedroom across from ours, hoping that if they are together, they won't end up coming and sleeping with us.  I know better though because we've been living in this house their whole lives and they STILL come sneaking in our room at 3 o'clock in the morning, when I'm too dang tired to get up and pack them back to their rooms.  I can look foward to 4 bodies in a Queen size bed in the upcoming weeks, I'm pretty positive about this.  Sometimes, if I try really hard, I can remember a time that I had a Queen size bed compleletely to myself, and 12 hours of uninterrupted, glorious, dream filled sleep.

I'm reading this great book called the Sedona Method.  It gives some great suggestions and practices on releasing emotions as they arise.  This is WAAAYYY easier said than done, believe me!  I've had so many opportunites to practice the past few weeks.   Way more than I'd like to admit, but sheesh moving is stressful.  And moving while recovering from a stint in the hospital, and a broken pooper... just kind of adds to it.  I'm trying my best not to stress out, and worry, knowing that Source/Universe/God, (please feel free to insert your higher power here) is in control, and I'm merely along for the ride.  That stressing about it isn't going to help anything.  And even though I KNOW all of this,  my personality and mind have a way of trying to make me stress anyway.  Its the battle between my ego and my soul.  I've done some great releaseing the past few weeks.  Maybe crying breakdowns are not the most graceful way of releasing, but hey... better out than in.  Thanks to my spiritual family, I finally recognize this as a gift instead of a fault. And when the urge comes, instead of trying to hold it in, I just let out...boy do I ever feel better once its out! 

So, to any of you out there who are going through a major life change, know that you are not alone.  We all deal with change differently,  and to those of you who stress (while trying not to stress) like me, don't forget to let it out!  Decompress.  Do whatever you can.  Exercise, yoga, deep breathing, or heck, just sit down and have a good long cry and then a long hot bath like I did!  Whatever your outlet, make sure you USE it! Frequently! The less stress we carry, the healthier we are physically, mentally, and emotionally!  And don't forget to take great care of your spirit, for it is our strength within and our connection to Source that gets us through the toughest of times, and also gets us through the exciting new times too!